


Halfling

by orphan_account



Series: Weight of Words [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Again, Bilbo is So Done, Customs, Derogatory, Dwarf Culture Porn, Gen, Halfling is a Hobbit Curseword, Hobbit Culture, M/M, Other, Thorin Broken-Shield, Thorin puts his foot in his mouth, cultural misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11096721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Halfling is a highly offensive term in Hobbit culture. This meant the dwarves were being obscenely rude by constantly referring to him as one.The nerve.Bilbo Baggins was no halfling, and he would ensure they knew it.





	Halfling

"So this is the Halfling."

"Take back your Halfling, Gandalf. I do not want him."

"The wild is no place for halflings who cannot defend themselves."

"Keep up, halfling."

"Curse you, halfling!"

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Bilbo had had it up to here with that foul word. He would blow a gasket if this kept up. Or strangle a dwarf king. Diplomacy only brought one so far in the wild. Particularly with dwarves.

"I am half of nothing, Thorin Broken-Shield."

Silence descended upon the company. Thirteen dwarves and one very wet hobbit were huddlin gon the sandy floor of a cave high in the passes of the Misty Mountains after far too many close calls--and one particularly frightening one involving the hobbit!--due to shit weather, stone giants, and a disctinct lack of a wizard.

What good was a wizard if he wandered off without a minder? Bilbo had words for him too, whenever he showed his greyness.

"I beg your pardon?" Thorin's fury was thick as melting butter on a hot skillet. Bilbo could practically hear a sizzle in the king's teeth.

"That's right. You should beg my pardon, and my forgiveness, and my mercy, you horrible dwarf!"

Thorin looked particularly pissed off. Bilbo felt a surge of pride for dishing that look onto his pompous, majestic features. Served him right. "I'm sorry?" Thorin growled.

"Yes. You should apologize to me. Why on Arda do you insist on calling me that horrible slur?"

This time the expression on Throin's face was one of confusion. "Slur?"

"YES! You and a few of our companions. All the time, but none so much as you. What have I dont that you chastise me with such deragatory titles?"

"What?" Thorin's features had shifted into a rather constipated look, very similar to the one he had leveled at Elrond during the reading of the map.

"What are you refering to, bilbo?" Balin chimed in from beside his King.

"What do you mean what am I talking about? I've had enough of the hate and teasing and slander! I will not have any mroe." He wagged his finger in a circle at all the dwarves, ending on Thorin. "I am half of nothing; I am no less than an elf, a man, or a dwarf by virtue of being a hobbit. I'm rather proud to be a hobbit, in fact. So. I insist on hearing your apology for refering to me as such."

"Forgive me, Bilbo," again Balin asked. "Do you mean to say that the term, forgive me but I must use it to ask, "halfling" is deragaotry to your people?"

Bilbo allows that he may have screamed. In frustration and sheer petulant anger, perhaps. It is entirely possible. He cannot be sure he didn't scream.

Everntually, the dwarves responded with heartfelt apologies, and on Thorin's part, a very solemn extension of an offer for Bilbo to cut his hair.

Well, dwarves were strange, but Bilbo didn't particularly want to cut Thorin's hair-whatever that meant. But he didn't have to dwell on it very long, because the floor dropped out from under him before he could tell Thorin that.

And the whole matter was essentially dropped. So much had happened after all. But no one in the company referred to Bilbo as Halfing ever again.


End file.
